Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Life Goes On....

Well, my writing creeps on. I'm editing the third chapter of "Faerlocher", and am writing the rough draft of "Nightmare"'s chapter six. Having a little trouble having one of the characters in "Nightmare" (Zuriel, for those who know him) be a bit more alive. Despite that, I'm pretty happy with how things are going with that story at the moment.
Those two stories aside, I don't really have any other story news...

So, and shall talk about a random topic which has been on my mind lately. Last time I posted, it was about "Weirdness", how there's different kinds of weird and so on. Well, this time I want to talk about weirdness in another way. First, I shall ask you three questions.

1) Do you consider yourself to be weird?
2) Do others consider you so?
3) Are you really?

This probably is sounding a bit silly, but hear me out.
I have very often been referred to as being weird, strange, or eccentric. I have rarely cared that people have thought these things.
But, the other day, I started wondering; How much of my strangeness is an act, and how much is real?

The reason for this question is because, when I'm in public, I can be pretty normal. There are a few things that I can't seem to help; Difficulty in speaking for any length of time without pausing to think-- mostly because I lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence or because I just plain started a sentence without even thinking about how it would end, and I can't seem to think fast enough to finish it without stopping mid-sentence-- Trouble in keeping focused on the person I'm talking to-- averting my eyes while I'm talking, often getting distracted by something while the other person is talking (be it something I see, hear, smell, feel, or just a stray thought)-- And just about always fidgeting with something or another while talking to someone, from shirt hem to my fingers to my hair to a loose couch thread. With those things going on, people often have assumed I'm not paying attention, or that I'm bored with them, or that I'm just being rude. And rightly so; if someone did those things while I was talking to them, I might think they were not wanting to talk to me or something.

ANYways, there are some points that even in public I have extreme trouble in dealing with (and sometimes cannot stop). But then, if you look at how I act around my family, I'm a completely different person. A completely different brand of weird, or, sometimes, completely normal. Or as normal as I can be. ;) Now, I know that people will naturally act in a different manner around their family and close friends, but sometimes, I wonder how much of the strangeness is pretended, perhaps first just to get attention, then as the person gets older and doesn't necessarily want more attention, keeps up being strange just to fit the personality their past strangeness has cloaked them with.

And then, there are people who are weird because they've decided it's more fun. Not because they necessarily are weird, or expected to be, but because they've made the decision that they want to be weird, and therefore act that way.

I believe I'm a mixture of these. Perhaps. I've been considering this idea for about a week, and still haven't gotten all my thoughts sorted on the matter. This is sort of an attempt to get them ironed out, I guess! But for the present, I believe a large part of it is that I've decided to be strange. I probably am naturally a bit eccentric and different, but why stop at a little? So long as you don't harm someone, of course.

Now, I'm curious to know how many people out there are like this. How many people there are who pretend to be weird, just because they've decided they want to. And also, why they've chosen to be that way.

I... Was going to post my reasons for choosing to be weird, but it ended up making this post way longer than I wanted it to be, so maybe I'll post them at another time.... if people would want to read such ramblyness... Or maybe I'll just keep the post to myself, hidden away somewhere far away.

Until next time!

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